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Sex magic can be a powerful tool. Getty Images If you’ve been following the rise of witchcraft, your ears may have perked when you heard the words “sex magic.” I mean, how could they not? If you’re curious, or have never heard of sex magic but read that headline and had to know, it’s fairly simple. Sex magic is using sexual energy (usually, your orgasms) to cast a spell and get what you want. Sound fabulous? It is.

So we talked to experts in the field to find 11 crucial pieces of information you should know about sex magic so you can start making your wishes come true while you get off!

Sex magic, or “sex magick,” which can be the preferred spelling, uses your sexual energy (often an orgasm) to cast a spell. Casting a spell is just setting an intention and then performing a ritual to bring the intention to the universe’s attention. You can cast a spell with candles, jars, and perhaps the most fun, orgasms!

“Sex magick is basically harnessing the energy generated through sexual pleasure to fuel an intention or desire. If that feels ‘woo-woo,’ well… maybe it is, but it’s also about focusing your mind and body on something you truly want,” Stefanie Neumann, a sex educator and toy expert for Jack and Jill Adult, tells PRIDE.

It’s common thought that the lunar cycle has a lot of affect on our lives, both in and out of sex. When practicing sex magic, a radical approach to utilizing lunar vibrations is to charge your sex toys under the moon’s energy. Companies like Chakrubs make crystal vibrators and yoni eggs that can help you revive your energy and get the most out of your experience.

“The moon is like our cosmic timekeeper — aligning your sex magick rituals with specific moon phases can amplify or diminish certain energies,” Neumann explains.

Not only does the moon help amplify energy, but the sun can also be a potent source of power you can utilize in your sex magic rituals, according to Maggie Dorsky, an author who writes about African American issues and spirituality. “The summer and early fall seasons, especially, are considered optimal for high-energy manifestations,” Dorsky says. “During this time, the sun is strongest, the earth is abundant, and the veil between intention and result is thinner. Many ancient sex rites occurred during harvest festivals, blending the themes of pleasure, prosperity, and divine union.”

When setting your intention, pay attention to the colors associated with it. For example, if you want more money, imagine the color green. Love usually takes on a pink or red color, black tends to represent protection and grounding, and healing is usually shrouded in white. Color is also an energetic frequency that can help you turn your manifestations into reality.

“If you’re really into color symbolism, lighting colored candles or wearing certain hues can help cement your intention in your mind. Personally, I’ve done a ‘red candle’ ritual to heat things up in my bedroom. Maybe it was all in my head, but it felt electric,” Neumann admits.

Shutterstock

Everything has energy, and anyone who has had their soul sucked out of their chest when they came knows that orgasms are powerful forms of energy. Aside from feeling good and being a hot way to connect with your partner, some witches believe that the sexual energy within an orgasm can be used as a ritual to cast a spell.

Neumann calls orgasms a “kickstarter” and explains that you can harness that moment of bliss into powerful magic. “When that release happens, you’re sort of momentarily suspended between total bliss and total focus — which is where you can channel all that energy into the intention you’ve been setting,” she says, “And yes, you can totally ‘cast a spell’ during sex or masturbation — it’s essentially visualizing, meditating, or praying (whatever words you prefer) right as you head toward orgasm. Masturbation is actually a useful time to practice because no one else is there to throw off your concentration.

Words like magic, rituals, and spells can seem complicated, but performing sex magic is easy peasy. Literally just visualize what you want while you come. Want to attract a new partner that fits a certain description? Think about them. Want some money? Think about cash while you come—we can all get off to that!

Dorsky says that sex magic is less about “spoken incantations” and more about “focus” and “intention” while you are orgasming. “You might mentally repeat your desire or visualize your goal as you approach orgasm,” she explains. “You can also create a simple ritual beforehand lighting candles, saying an affirmation, or writing your desire down. Ideally you want to share your intention with your partner so they can amplify it as they climax as well.”

You want to give your spell your full concentration. If you’re having sex with someone else, you’re probably thinking about pleasing them sexually. Such thoughts can be distracting to sex magic. Therefore, while you can perform sex magic while getting it on with another (either fill them in on what’s happening, and you can come together for a collective goal, or don’t tell them) nights alone may be the best for sex magic. Then it’s just you, your orgasm, and your intentions.

“Masturbation is one of the most powerful ways to practice sex magick because it’s fully self-directed. There’s less distraction, more control, and deep potential for healing, especially around body image, shame, or past trauma,” Dorsky says.

One of the biggest misconceptions about sex magic is that the spell you cast must be used to conjure a mate or to have better sex. You can practice sex magic to get whatever you want. Sexual energy is just energy. So feel free to visualize a bigger paycheck, a book deal, or physical health and happiness when you come.

Shutterstock

To enhance the vibe of your magical masturbation night in, create a magical setting for yourself. You deserve it. Put on some music, light candles, or draw yourself a bath, scatter it with rose petals, and masturbate in the tub. Even if you don’t believe in magic, creating a romantic night in can be healing in itself. Dorsky suggests treating it like a sacred ritual and to cleanse your space with incense or herbs like rosemary, mugwort, or palo santo, and keep a crystal or talisman nearby.

“Set your intention clearly—say it aloud, write it down, or visualize it,” she says. “Your environment should feel sensual, sacred, and safe. Don’t forget the roses. Always have roses because they are the highest vibrational flower.”

Orgasms get all the attention (and they are indeed powerful tools to cast magic with), but sexual energy is present more than just when we come. If you’re a highly sexual person, you may already be aware of the magnetism you cast. As you do your makeup, walk down the street, dance, and any other activity in which you’re feeling yourself, you can practice sex magic by visualizing your desires coming to fruition.

“Sex magick is rooted in your awareness of your sensual energy—not just the physical act,” Dorsky explains. “You can work with breathwork, meditation, dance, or energy work to raise and direct that energy. Tantric practices, mirror work, or simply affirming your desires while walking or journaling can all harness the same principles.”

This one’s for the people who are like, ‘Okay, well how does magic work?? Can I really get the partner of my dreams by masturbating?’ Well, touching yourself and harnessing your orgasm is only one part of the equation. Before you perform any type of spell, think about what you want. Write out an intention letter, so you have a clear idea of what to visualize. When we have a clear idea of what we want, we’re more likely to get it, and rituals such as sex magic help us do this.

Both Neumann and Dorsky agree that “intention” is the most important part of sex magic. “The biggest misconception is that you have to be this all-powerful witch to “do it right.” It’s more about mindfulness, consent (with a partner or yourself), and intention,” Neumann says.

Dorsky explains that when you’re having sex without intention you’re just on “autopilot,” while your energy is “like a laser” when you focus on intention. “You should be as specific and emotionally connected to your desire as possible. The goal is to feel the result in your body before it materializes, using your arousal as fuel for manifestation. It’s the emotional charge that changes the matter around you to reflect what you want to create,” she says.

If you believe in magic, casting spells with sex magic will transmit your intentions to the universe, and deities, which will listen and help make your wishes come true. However, the most potent ingredient in magic is you. Rituals, such as sex magic, can help put you in touch with your desires, and therefore become more aware of them. This is often enough to encourage follow-through, but any spell requires action on your part. So after you’ve written an intention letter describing your ideal partner, and then orgasmed visualizing them, don’t forget to open your phone and start swiping, witch!

Dorsky says that sex magic is a powerful tool, but you still have to act to make things happen. “It’s about reclaiming your energy, rewriting old stories about shame or pleasure, and aligning your body and soul. It isn’t about controlling others—it’s about co-creating your life with intention, joy, and reverence.”

Stefanie Neumann, a sex educator and toy expert for Jack and Jill Adult.

Maggie Dorsky, an author at Hatchette Book Group, who writes about African American issues and spirituality

June 24 2025 / 7:38 PMJune 24 2025 / 3:38 PMJune 23 2025 / 10:26 AMJune 18 2025 / 3:41 PMJune 17 2025 / 5:19 PMSex magic can be a powerful tool. Getty Images If you’ve been following the rise of witchcraft, your ears may have perked when you heard the words “sex magic.” I mean, how could they not? If you’re curious, or have never heard of sex magic but read that headline and had to know, it’s fairly simple. Sex magic is using sexual energy (usually, your orgasms) to cast a spell and get what you want. Sound fabulous? It is.

So we talked to experts in the field to find 11 crucial pieces of information you should know about sex magic so you can start making your wishes come true while you get off!

Sex magic, or “sex magick,” which can be the preferred spelling, uses your sexual energy (often an orgasm) to cast a spell. Casting a spell is just setting an intention and then performing a ritual to bring the intention to the universe’s attention. You can cast a spell with candles, jars, and perhaps the most fun, orgasms!

“Sex magick is basically harnessing the energy generated through sexual pleasure to fuel an intention or desire. If that feels ‘woo-woo,’ well… maybe it is, but it’s also about focusing your mind and body on something you truly want,” Stefanie Neumann, a sex educator and toy expert for Jack and Jill Adult, tells PRIDE.

It’s common thought that the lunar cycle has a lot of affect on our lives, both in and out of sex. When practicing sex magic, a radical approach to utilizing lunar vibrations is to charge your sex toys under the moon’s energy. Companies like Chakrubs make crystal vibrators and yoni eggs that can help you revive your energy and get the most out of your experience.

“The moon is like our cosmic timekeeper — aligning your sex magick rituals with specific moon phases can amplify or diminish certain energies,” Neumann explains.

Not only does the moon help amplify energy, but the sun can also be a potent source of power you can utilize in your sex magic rituals, according to Maggie Dorsky, an author who writes about African American issues and spirituality. “The summer and early fall seasons, especially, are considered optimal for high-energy manifestations,” Dorsky says. “During this time, the sun is strongest, the earth is abundant, and the veil between intention and result is thinner. Many ancient sex rites occurred during harvest festivals, blending the themes of pleasure, prosperity, and divine union.”

When setting your intention, pay attention to the colors associated with it. For example, if you want more money, imagine the color green. Love usually takes on a pink or red color, black tends to represent protection and grounding, and healing is usually shrouded in white. Color is also an energetic frequency that can help you turn your manifestations into reality.

“If you’re really into color symbolism, lighting colored candles or wearing certain hues can help cement your intention in your mind. Personally, I’ve done a ‘red candle’ ritual to heat things up in my bedroom. Maybe it was all in my head, but it felt electric,” Neumann admits.

Shutterstock

Everything has energy, and anyone who has had their soul sucked out of their chest when they came knows that orgasms are powerful forms of energy. Aside from feeling good and being a hot way to connect with your partner, some witches believe that the sexual energy within an orgasm can be used as a ritual to cast a spell.

Neumann calls orgasms a “kickstarter” and explains that you can harness that moment of bliss into powerful magic. “When that release happens, you’re sort of momentarily suspended between total bliss and total focus — which is where you can channel all that energy into the intention you’ve been setting,” she says, “And yes, you can totally ‘cast a spell’ during sex or masturbation — it’s essentially visualizing, meditating, or praying (whatever words you prefer) right as you head toward orgasm. Masturbation is actually a useful time to practice because no one else is there to throw off your concentration.

Words like magic, rituals, and spells can seem complicated, but performing sex magic is easy peasy. Literally just visualize what you want while you come. Want to attract a new partner that fits a certain description? Think about them. Want some money? Think about cash while you come—we can all get off to that!

Dorsky says that sex magic is less about “spoken incantations” and more about “focus” and “intention” while you are orgasming. “You might mentally repeat your desire or visualize your goal as you approach orgasm,” she explains. “You can also create a simple ritual beforehand lighting candles, saying an affirmation, or writing your desire down. Ideally you want to share your intention with your partner so they can amplify it as they climax as well.”

You want to give your spell your full concentration. If you’re having sex with someone else, you’re probably thinking about pleasing them sexually. Such thoughts can be distracting to sex magic. Therefore, while you can perform sex magic while getting it on with another (either fill them in on what’s happening, and you can come together for a collective goal, or don’t tell them) nights alone may be the best for sex magic. Then it’s just you, your orgasm, and your intentions.

“Masturbation is one of the most powerful ways to practice sex magick because it’s fully self-directed. There’s less distraction, more control, and deep potential for healing, especially around body image, shame, or past trauma,” Dorsky says.

One of the biggest misconceptions about sex magic is that the spell you cast must be used to conjure a mate or to have better sex. You can practice sex magic to get whatever you want. Sexual energy is just energy. So feel free to visualize a bigger paycheck, a book deal, or physical health and happiness when you come.

Shutterstock

To enhance the vibe of your magical masturbation night in, create a magical setting for yourself. You deserve it. Put on some music, light candles, or draw yourself a bath, scatter it with rose petals, and masturbate in the tub. Even if you don’t believe in magic, creating a romantic night in can be healing in itself. Dorsky suggests treating it like a sacred ritual and to cleanse your space with incense or herbs like rosemary, mugwort, or palo santo, and keep a crystal or talisman nearby.

“Set your intention clearly—say it aloud, write it down, or visualize it,” she says. “Your environment should feel sensual, sacred, and safe. Don’t forget the roses. Always have roses because they are the highest vibrational flower.”

Orgasms get all the attention (and they are indeed powerful tools to cast magic with), but sexual energy is present more than just when we come. If you’re a highly sexual person, you may already be aware of the magnetism you cast. As you do your makeup, walk down the street, dance, and any other activity in which you’re feeling yourself, you can practice sex magic by visualizing your desires coming to fruition.

“Sex magick is rooted in your awareness of your sensual energy—not just the physical act,” Dorsky explains. “You can work with breathwork, meditation, dance, or energy work to raise and direct that energy. Tantric practices, mirror work, or simply affirming your desires while walking or journaling can all harness the same principles.”

This one’s for the people who are like, ‘Okay, well how does magic work?? Can I really get the partner of my dreams by masturbating?’ Well, touching yourself and harnessing your orgasm is only one part of the equation. Before you perform any type of spell, think about what you want. Write out an intention letter, so you have a clear idea of what to visualize. When we have a clear idea of what we want, we’re more likely to get it, and rituals such as sex magic help us do this.

Both Neumann and Dorsky agree that “intention” is the most important part of sex magic. “The biggest misconception is that you have to be this all-powerful witch to “do it right.” It’s more about mindfulness, consent (with a partner or yourself), and intention,” Neumann says.

Dorsky explains that when you’re having sex without intention you’re just on “autopilot,” while your energy is “like a laser” when you focus on intention. “You should be as specific and emotionally connected to your desire as possible. The goal is to feel the result in your body before it materializes, using your arousal as fuel for manifestation. It’s the emotional charge that changes the matter around you to reflect what you want to create,” she says.

If you believe in magic, casting spells with sex magic will transmit your intentions to the universe, and deities, which will listen and help make your wishes come true. However, the most potent ingredient in magic is you. Rituals, such as sex magic, can help put you in touch with your desires, and therefore become more aware of them. This is often enough to encourage follow-through, but any spell requires action on your part. So after you’ve written an intention letter describing your ideal partner, and then orgasmed visualizing them, don’t forget to open your phone and start swiping, witch!

Dorsky says that sex magic is a powerful tool, but you still have to act to make things happen. “It’s about reclaiming your energy, rewriting old stories about shame or pleasure, and aligning your body and soul. It isn’t about controlling others—it’s about co-creating your life with intention, joy, and reverence.”

Stefanie Neumann, a sex educator and toy expert for Jack and Jill Adult.

Maggie Dorsky, an author at Hatchette Book Group, who writes about African American issues and spirituality

Ariel Messman-Rucker June 12 2025 / 5:09 PMAccording to gay cruising app Sniffies’ 2024 statistics, edging is the most popular kink in America, and with good reason!

Edging is the ultimate tease; it’s the practice of intentionally bringing yourself and/or your partner to the point right before you climax, but instead of finishing, you pause the stimulation until you’ve calmed down and then repeat the process before finally allowing an orgasm.

Not only does this extend playtime, but it intensifies pleasure and arousal, and often lead to a more intense, longer-lasting orgasm when you are finally allowed to climax.

You can edge yourself during masturbation or while having sex with other people to add a little spice to your sex life, but it can also be a great way to explore dom/sub dynamics. Both partners can edge each other, but you can also play with power dynamics where the dominant partner takes control over the submissive’s orgasms and decides when they can climax. Edging can also help with premature ejaculation, and for gay men, it is also a great way for tops to manage performance so that no one finishes too early.

“For some, edging is a part of kinky play where power dynamics allow for orgasm denial or advanced teasing,” Birna Gustafsson, an LGBTQ+ sex educator and public health advocate, tells PRIDE. “Many people love edging because of the elements of control, heightened sensations, and subverting expectations of what sex should look or feel like.”

Also known as “surfing” and “peaking,” the term edging comes from the idea of approaching a metaphorical “edge” of orgasmic inevitability but stopping from you tip over the edge.

Although the word itself is from Middle English, the internet and sex positive online communities helped to popularize the way people use the term today, and it has since entered the Gen Z lexicon on TikTok.

Iryna Kalamurza/Shutterstock

If you’ve ever finished and been like, “is that all?” then you’d probably like edging. For people who feel like the peak of their climax is too short or want to make their sexual experiences last longer, edging is a great technique to add into your playtime repertoire.

If you’re curious about edging, try exploring it during solo masturbation first before trying it out with a partner. “It’s also great if you’re in a sexual rut, exploring solo play in a new way, or curious about adding something fresh to partnered sex,” Gustafsson says. “It can take some people up to twenty minutes for their genitals to fully engorge and hit peak arousal, and edging offers a fun way to explore as you welcome pleasure in waves, not a flood of sensations all at once.”

According to Tim Lagman, a sex expert and board certified sex educator with the lube company pjur, those who already enjoy “intense build-ups or teasing sensations” or want to explore orgasms control and power dynamics, should give edging a try.

It’s a low risk, high reward way to make your sex life more interesting!

Try it solo first If you’ve never played with edging before, try it on your own first. That way, you’ll get an idea of whether or not you’d like it, then you can try it out with a partner and decide whether you like to be the giver who is in control, the receiver who relinquishes control, or both!

Control your breathing Try to slow down your breathing to help you or your partner stay calm and in control. It’s also a great way to focus on the sensations in your body instead of rushing into an orgasm.

Communication, communication, communication Communication is also key with anything sex-related, but with edging, you have to be aware of your partner’s body language and listen to their words so you know when they are getting close and you need to pull back before starting again.

You should also talk to your partner beforehand about how they like to be edged, what techniques ramp them up the most (like fingering, oral, or penetrative sex), and what intensity is good for them.

Play with tempo and timing Switch back and forth between fast and slow movements and play with different pressure, sex positions, and techniques to make the edging experience more dynamic.

You can also tease your partner with different timings. Try doing five second of fast sensation, slow down for five seconds, a then each round add five seconds to each interval until you get up to a minute before you let them finish. And if you’re into a sub/dom relationship or are into power play, the dominant partner can count out loud to dial up the heat.

Don’t forget the lube! Lube should always be in your bedside table drawer, but when you’re planning on extending the amount of time you are having sex, make sure you use lots of lube to keep it feeling good all night long.

Sex toys are your friends There are so many you can incorporate into edging, the options are limitless! You can try teasing your partner with a blindfold, feathers, or a whip. Or add in vibrators, sex machine, strap on, butt plugs, cock ring, or prostate massager, or anything else that will ramp things up for you or your partner.

Mix it up Try switching things up between using your hands, oral stimulation, powerful toys, warm and cold sensations, and internal and external stimulation. You don’t need to go from zero to 60; instead, try alternating between two different sensations and cycling through different rhythms. For instance, try changing between rubbing their clit and using gentle tapping to tease your partner.

Try the hands-off reset If you’ve already mastered the basics, try this more advanced technique: when you feel like you or your partner are about to climax, don’t slow down, just stop using your hands and sex toys completely. Spend some time breathing and let the pleasure settle in your body before you go right back to the same intensity you were using before.

Gooning If you enjoy edging, consider trying gooning too which is an extreme form of edging where you masturbate for hours while watching porn, but never let yourself have an orgasm.

Getty Images

Edging is versatile, and can be adapted to work with all different kinds of bodies and can be a great way to affirm gender identity. “For those experiencing gender dysphoria, edging can center sensation elsewhere in the body than just the genitals,” Gustafsson explains. “Using toys and tools like strap-ons, prosthetics, or powerful vibrators that send sensation through layers of material can all be a part of edging, too.”

Sofie Roos, a bisexual licensed sexologist and relationship therapist, has suggestions for all genders and sexualities. For queer men, she recommends combining deign with stimulation of the anus or penis through penetrative sex or using a toy like a vibrating butt plug. Or go the advanced route and focus on edging the prostate alone for an extra strong orgasm.

For sapphics, use your hands, vibrator, or tongue to stimulate the clitoris by starting off with calm, light touches, before increasing the stimulation and then starting over again. She also said if you or your partner’s clit gets overstimulated switch to focusing on the G-spot, and unlike people with penises, you can keep going until you, your partner, or both achieve multiple orgasms.

According to Roos, trans folks can use edging to “explore their body sexually in new ways that feel more natural than other types of sex” and can also use it to explore new sexual dynamics. For nonbinary people, she says that edging can provide the kind of control that allows for experimentation.

“Nonbinary folks can use edging to feel as if they’re more in control of how they get pleasure, and that they can discover their body on their own terms and take control over their orgasm,” Roos says.

Edging, truly is for everyone!

Birna Gustafsson, an LGBTQ+ sex educator and public health advocate.

Tim Lagman, a sex expert and board certified sex educator with the lube company pjur.

Sofie Roos, licensed sexologist and relationship therapist & author at Passionerad.

Andrew J. Stillman Oct 24, 2024Pride Editor Dec 17, 2024Ariel Messman-Rucker Jun 26, 2025Ariel Messman-Rucker Jun 25, 2025Andrew J. Stillman Jun 16, 2025Ricky Cornish Oct 01, 2024Ariel Messman-Rucker June 11 2025 / 12:50 PMGetty Images

If you’ve ever started dating someone and been overwhelmed with excessive affection, compliments, or pressure to become exclusive quickly, you may have fallen prey to love bombing.

This manipulation tactic can look like constant texting or calling, saying “I love you” very early in the relationship, showering you with gifts and compliments, pressuring you to commit right out of the gate, and intense affection. Making you feel as though you are emotional dependent on your partner and gaslighting you can also be part of love bombing.

“The reasons why people engage in this tactic will vary, but often, love bombing is used by those who have a fear of or aversion to abandonment and who want to prevent their partner from leaving,” Saba Harouni Lurie, a queer licensed marriage and family therapist, tells PRIDE. “It is also used as a tactic by those who consciously desire to manipulate and exert coercive control over their partner.”

Harouni Lurie says that love bombing works so well because “toxic relationships are frequently romanticized in mainstream media,” which has skewed our “perception of what love can look like.” These over-the-top gestures, which love bombers use to manipulate and control you and the relationship trajectory, are often portrayed as signs of intense passion or love in movies and TV shows. These types of relationships look enticing in a rom-com, but in reality, if things are moving that fast, it’s probably love bombing.

“People are attracted to the ’excitement’ of these dynamics and are similarly conditioned to see fast-paced, ‘love at first sight’ relationships as not only normal but as evidence that the connection is more real or fated,” she explains.

Gay matchmaker Anthony Canapi agrees and says that when you are being love bombed, not only are you receiving the intense affection you may desire, but the chemicals in your brain make you crave more, even if it’s not good for you, because it mimics the feeling of true intimacy. “The intense positive attention from the love bomber can temporarily increase the match’s dopamine levels, creating a pleasurable, addictive feeling,” he says, “so instinctively, like all addictions, it makes the match want more of the intense affection, no matter how negative or toxic the manipulation tactics are.”

It’s unhealthy because the person being love-bombed has been controlled and manipulated to the point that they lose their independence, and their mental and emotional well-being suffers. It becomes particularly toxic when the love bomber becomes frustrated that their partner isn’t reciprocating, so they start to make them feel guilty until they show the love bomber the same kind of affection.

“Once satisfied, the love bomber abandons the match’s needs and reciprocation because they don’t need the affection, they’re already self-satisfied, why reciprocate it back? They only come back if they need that ’narcissistic gauge’ filled again,” says Canapi, who is also the founder & CEO of Best Man Matchmaking, a gay-run matchmaking service dedicated to helping professional LGBTQ+ singles find love.

Once the love bomber has you “hooked” and committed to the relationship, the dynamic often changes. Your new partner may emotionally withdraw from you, gaslight or manipulate you, begin to constantly criticize you, and attempt to isolate you from your friends and family. “This push-pull cycle keeps you off balance, questioning your worth, and craving the ‘high’ of the early attention—an emotional dependency that’s hard to break,” explains Dovie Lopez, a certified sexologist and founder of Born to Be Wild Lifestyle, which helps queer and straight women navigate intimacy, identity, love, and relationships.

Peopleimages.com - Yuri A/Shutterstock You should be wary if:

216. The relationship starts intensely and suddenly.
217. They push for a quick commitment.
218. They try to take up all of your time.
219. They make big promises but don’t follow through.
220. They try to sweep you off your feet with excessive affection and compliments.
221. They try to make you feel bad if you aren’t reciprocating.
222. They isolate you from your support system, but then don’t respond when you reach out to them.
223. They give you extravagant or frequent gifts.
224. They try to convince you that you are soulmates early in the relationship.
225. They call or text all day, and get angry when you don’t respond. oneinchounch/Shutterstock

But how do you tell the difference between an authentic connection that is moving a little fast and the manipulative behavior of someone who is love bombing you?

There may be an intense honeymoon phase in a healthy relationship, but love bombers will overwhelm you with affection and tokens of love, and are threatened by your independence. Love bombing isn’t about love; it’s about control. If the person you are dating is genuinely invested in your well-being, encourages you to do things that are good for you, and supports your relationships with other people in your life, then it’s probably a healthy relationship and not love bombing.

“If someone is falling in love, they show up consistently, honor your boundaries, and let the relationship grow organically,” Lopez says. “Love bombing feels like being swept up in a tidal wave — you don’t feel with the person, you feel swept away.”

People in the LGBTQ+ community are uniquely susceptible to love bombing because they’ve often experienced rejection or trauma as a result of their identity, and so they gravitate toward people who make them feel secure in the relationship, even if that’s through love bombing. They may have been living in the closet or in denial for so long that they are now seeking intense connection, which means that they may be more likely to inadvertently love bomb someone or be the victim of it.

Many LGBTQ+ people are also looking for deep, passionate, emotional relationships that build quickly, so they’re more likely to overlook red flags in their quest to find connection. It also doesn’t help that LGBTQ+ relationships aren’t talked about as openly or modeled as much in the media, so it can be tricky to know what a healthy queer relationship looks like.

“Because of our unique experiences as LGBTQIA+ individuals finding meaningful relationships, it can sometimes lead to intense bonding and a greater tendency towards love bombing,” Canapi says, which is why it’s “crucial to be aware of the red flags of love bombing, and to cultivate healthy relationship dynamics, regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity.”

Set healthy boundaries and stick to them. End the relationship and explain that you can’t be in contact (including on social media) with them right now because once the love bomber realizes they can’t manipulate you anymore the relationship is likely to self destruct or finally fizzle out.

Spend some time reconnecting with your normal routine. Did you used to go to brunch with friends every Sunday before you were swept up in this toxic relationship? Get back to that. You should also try to focus on hobbies and interests that bring you joy to get you back to feeling like yourself again.

And don’t forget to open up to someone you trust who can support you as you distance yourself from the person who love bombed you. You’ve just gone through a relationship where you were receiving intense affection so leaving that behind may make you feel lost or alone. Tough emotions may come up and you’ll need help navigating them, so don’t be afraid to reach out to friends and family who can help.

“Love bombing thrives in isolation, so it’s important that you start spending more time with trusted friends or in environments that help you feel grounded,” Canapi explains.

Ariel Messman-Rucker June 04 2025 / 6:02 PMvittoria_vittoria/Shutterstock

Since not everyone naturally lubricates, and certain medications like SSRIs and antihistamines can make you dry as a bone, lube can make the experience so much better. “Keeping things slippery is key, so adding in a vagina safe lube, like the tasty flavored line from Sliquid, helps keep things wet and wild,” queer and nonbinary certified sex educator Dr. Shanna K. Kattari tells PRIDE.

So you already know your way around a vulva and are ready to level up your game, then it’s time to add toys into your rotation. According to Kattari, who wrote Oral Sex That’ll Blow Her Mind: An Illustrated Guide to Giving Her Amazing Orgasms, you should try out things like nipple clamps, blindfolds, and vibrators. “Consider having your partner wear a butt plug while you’re eating out on the town (or wear one yourself!),” she says.

Beds are great for newbies to cunnilingus, but Kattari recommends trying out some new spots now that you have the basics down. “People assume cunnilingus has to happen in bed, but you can also do it on the edge of (or even in!) a pool or hot tub if you have access, on your knees while your partner sits on the couch, while sitting in a chair while your partner spreads they legs on the kitchen counter, or in the back of an SUV while camping,” she says.

Open communication should be a cornerstone of your sex life, but during the act, it can also be a fun way to learn what makes your sexual partner tick. You can try different things and ask, “Which feels better, number one or number two?” Tell them to grab your hair and guide you where they want your mouth, or even hand them a riding crop and tell them to swat you when they’re enjoying themselves.

“There is a myth that we are all just naturally supposed to be in tune with our lovers and know exactly what pleases them, but let’s be real; communication is key, and the more you know about what works for them, the better a time you both will have,” Kattari explains.

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Since every vulva is different, Kattari suggests spending some time trying to figure out what areas are the most sensitive on a new partner. “If you consider the top of the clit to be 12 on a clock, take some time (pun intended) to lick and suck all the way around, and figure out what numbers on the clock seem to get the best responses from your partner,” she says.

Bisexual licensed sexologist and relationship therapist Sofie Roos recommends changing up your rhythm and pressure to find out what gets your lover closer to the finish line, and try using your tongue to make figure 8 patterns, circles, as well as up and down, and side to side motions on their clit.

“This makes the oral sex more dynamic and interesting for your partner, and while you shouldn’t overdo this since most people with vaginas like some consistency during sex to be able to build up the orgasm, you can play around with it with some style,” she says.

Learning how to turn the dial up and back down on your partner’s arousal can make the experience last longer and end with an earth-shattering orgasm. Roos says you should use your tongue on their clit to slowly build them toward an orgasm and then stop whenever you feel them teetering on the edge or they tell you they are getting close. Once you’ve waited for your partner to calm down, repeat the whole process four or five times until they’re begging you to let them climax.

Roos warns that this may be too intense for some people, but that “most will think you’re a pussy eating god” if you master how to edge the clit with your tongue.

Once you’ve mastered oral, level up by adding in anal play, Roos suggests. The anus is super sensitive too, so try alternating between rimming and licking their clit, or keep your tongue busy eating your partner out while you insert your finger into their ass. Again, lube is key here, too. Roos says this can be a game changer because the anus has “sensitive nerves that makes the brain light up of pleasure if they are being stimulated, and in combination with oral sex, this will give a sexual experience that’s unforgettable!”

Roos says you’ll be able to send “your partner to another galaxy” once you’ve mastered giving oral and fingering at the same time — there is a reason The Rabbit reaches both places. Try placing a pillow under your partner’s lower back to get the best angle and then go to town using your tongue on their clit while stimulating their G-spot with your fingers. “When finding a way that you can finger and perform oral in a pleasurable way — at the same time — you’ll be unstoppable,” she says.

While stopping and starting is great for edging, once your partner is getting close to climaxing and you’re ready to send them over the edge, Don’t. Change. Anything. Especially the tempo. According to Roos, when you’re ready to “leave the beginners phase of eating puss,” the next step is mastering tempo, which can be tricky for eager newbies. When you feel you’re partner’s pleasure ramping up, keep the tempo the same, but add more pressure and then stay the course until they cum. “Don’t give up,” she says, “even if you feel like you’ve been going on forever — to build up a nice orgasm takes time!”

Santypan/Shutterstock

Once you’ve got the basics down, it’s time to start experimenting with new positions. Having your partner lying on their back while you’re between their legs is a great place to start, but now that you’re turning into a pussy licking god, you can do better. “Try new angles or positions to reach different nerve endings and keep things exciting,” recommends Queer adult performer Gia Green. Have your partner sit on your face and tell them to ride you while you devour them or bend them over any surface in your house and eat them out from behind — the possibilities are endless!

Whether your partner is a cis lesbian, trans masc, or has a vulva but doesn’t identify as a woman, you’ll make the experience amazing for them if you honor their identity and how they like their body touched and talked about. “We need to queer up the conversation around oral sex,” Green says. “When it comes to oral sex, it’s essential to approach the experience as a celebration of the unique individual in front of you, honoring their identity and preferences.” So take the time to ask your partner how they relate to their body, how they want it touched (Green says that some trans masc folks may want to be sucked off more), and what language they prefer you use when talking about their body.

Ok, so you’ve mastered the art of cunnilingus, but what do you do when their orgasm is over? Now it’s time for aftercare, so snuggle, talk about the experience, and make sure they know you had an amazing time. “The scene doesn’t end after the climax,” Green explains. “Cuddle and share what you both enjoyed, ask what felt best or if there’s anything they’d like to try next time, and express gratitude for the experience.”

Ariel Messman-Rucker June 03 2025 / 5:26 PMaudiznam260921/Shutterstock

We usually think about working out our biceps and abs, but according to queer and nonbinary certified sex educator Dr. Shanna K. Kattari, who also wrote Oral Sex That’ll Blow Her Mind: An Illustrated Guide to Giving Her Amazing Orgasms, you should be focused on strengthening your tongue if you want to have the stamina to eat someone out long enough to give them at least one O, if not more.

“This is great to do while your camera is off during a zoom meeting, or at the traffic light — move your tongue around, up and down, make it pointy to soft,” she tells PRIDE. “The more you build strength in it, the better tool it will be to pleasure your partner.”

Everyone’s body is different, so make sure you’re focused on how to bring your particular partner pleasure. “Everyone’s body is different, and so what worked on your last lover may not work as well on your new lady friend,” Kattari explains. “Take some time to look at it, smell it, stroke it, and try out different things to see what works for this particular person, and then use those data points.”

You don’t get extra points for only using your mouth and tongue, so don’t be afraid to use your hands too. “Use your fingers to stroke the inner and outer labia, grab tightly to inner thighs, slowly slide one into the vagina or even just tantalizingly tease to the opening,” Kattari suggests.

Before you put your mouth to work, open it and talk to your sex partner. Queer adult performer and sex expert at Lustery, Gia Green says this is just as important before filming a scene as it is in the bedroom. “Ask what turns them on, what makes them melt, or what they’d love you to try. And once you’re in the game, simple questions like, ‘Does this pressure feel good?’ or ‘Do you want more of this?’ are hot and can keep you on track while showing that you care.”

Green also says this is a great time to honor and celebrate the identity of trans and nonbinary partners, since all vulvas are different and not all people with vulvas identify as women. “For transmasc folks, you might want to indulge further in sucking them up! Consider taking the time to ask your partner how they relate to their body and what language they prefer for different parts and activities,” she says.

You may be nervous and want to dive right in, but foreplay and building anticipation are important if you want to ramp up your partner. Green suggests you “spend time teasing and exploring other erogenous areas like over-the-clothes teasing, nipple and breasts, inner thighs” before your mouth anywhere near their vulva.

KOTO Images/Shutterstock

According to pop culture, the most common position is one partner on their back, with the “giver” between their legs, but Kattari advises trying other positions to find what’s comfortable for you both. You don’t want to have to stop before they cum because you got a neck cramp, right?

“Try pillows to elevate the receiver’s hips, or flip them on their side, or have her ride your face,” she says. “Figure out what feels more comfortable and then settle in.”

Despite what the media tries to tell you, vulvas shouldn’t smell like roses and taste like pineapple, but if your about to go down on someone who is nervous about how they smells or taste, suggest taking a shower first. You can even take a shower together and turn it into foreplay! “Hop in the shower first and get all soaped up and rubbed down. That takes a lot of sensory anxiety people have off the table, and allows for some hot and heavy foreplay before you dive in,” she says.

If you’re nervous about your first time, or still feel like a novice, Green says to think about different techniques you can use when your down there, and then try them out in real life. You might want to try “slow, steady licks, gentle circles, humming and sucking, the finger combo… experiment with your partner and learn together what turns them on,” she says.

Shurking_son/Shutterstock

This one is pretty straight forward, but try to relax and don’t hold your breath. “It’s crucial to create a comfortable, pressure-free environment and enjoy the moment without rushing,” Green reminds us.

Licensed sexologist and relationship therapist Sofie Roos, who is bisexual herself and lives with a woman, says her best piece of advice is to “eat the vagina with passion.” According to Roos, holding back is a common mistake newbies make. “If you are enthusiastic and show that you like it, it’ll not only make your partner able to relax more, but you will also give better oral sex,” she explains.

Once you have some experience under your belt you’ll be able to better read your partner’s body language and cues so you’ll know when you’re doing something they like, but when you’re still new to the muff diving game, you should take it slow.

“When going slow, it’s also easier to pick up on your partner’s signals, you get yourself time to explore parts of the vagina with different techniques, and you build it up in a very hot way — so make soft movements and don’t be afraid of letting it take some time,” Green says.

You may be a beginner now but practice makes perfect!

Rachel Shatto June 03 2025 / 1:06 PMSo what exactly is a coregasm? Well, as it sounds, it starts with your core muscles, i.e., the muscles in your abdomen, back, and pelvis, and it occurs while exercising.

But how does that work? “It’s usually triggered by intense engagement of the lower abs and pelvic floor. It’s caused by a combination of sustained muscular tension, increased blood flow to the pelvic region, and stimulation of the nerves that connect the core and pelvic muscles to the brain’s arousal centers,” Di Lorenzo tells PRIDE. “When breath, effort, and pressure align, it can create enough internal stimulation to lead to orgasm, without direct genital contact.”

“This often happens in combination with relatively heavy exercising that increases the blood flow to the vagina, something that increases sensitivity,” Roos adds to PRIDE.

Roos mentions that the vagina becomes more sensitive during core exercise, but this experience is not limited to women and people with vulvas, however. “Both people with penises and vaginas can experience coregasm, even though they are most common in people with vaginas,” he explains.

Di Lorenzo concurs, adding that it tends to happen more commonly for women and people with vulvas. “This is likely due to the structure of the pelvic floor and how closely it’s tied to arousal and orgasmic response.” However, she concedes it’s not that simple. “People who have a strong mind-body connection and good muscle awareness in their core and pelvis are often more likely to access them,” she explains.

“While coregasms happen randomly for some, others can get them on purpose by learning how to activate the right muscles,” encourages Roos. “However, not everyone can achieve them — there’s many people trying all their lives without succeeding, while others get coregasms without barely trying, so your genetics plays a huge role.”

While the experts agree that coregasms are real, how commonly they happen is still very much up for debate.

According to Di Lorenzo, they are not as rare as many may assume. “They’re definitely underreported,” she says. “Some research suggests that up to 10 to 15% of women have experienced orgasm or orgasm-like sensations during exercise. In my experience, once someone begins training pelvic floor coordination with intention, coregasms can become more frequent and easier to identify.”

Roos cites a slightly lower number, based on research published in the National Library of Medicine in 2021, which says as many as 9% of all respondents had experienced an orgasm while exercising.

Dr. Milstein says it’s hard to know for sure because the data is soft. “It’s important to keep in mind that we have to rely on self-reported data to know how often this happens. If someone had one and had no idea what it was, they may not report having had one,” she explains. “With all that being said, some studies estimate that 1 in 10 women have had a coregasm, and 1 in 13 men have had one.”

PeopleImages.com - Yuri A/Shutterstock

If you’re curious about experiencing one, some techniques can help make the magic happen. The key, says Di Lorenzo, is “sustained engagement of the lower abdominals and pelvic floor, especially when paired with breathwork.”

So what specific exercises should you try? “All exercises that activate the core and pelvic floor muscles give the best chances,” says Roos. “Such as squats, deadlifts, or hip thrusts. You can also try hanging leg raises, exercises with a weighted ball such as a ‘teaser’ where you sit on your butt and lift the ball with your feet up to your hands, lean back with straight arms, and then give back the balls to the feet, or the plank.” She adds that weight training, whether it’s with weights or your own body weight, is essential.

But say you’re already doing all of this and have yet to experience a coregasm, Di Lorenzo suggests some more specific forms of trunk exercises paired with breathwork.

• “Long contractions: It involves lifting the pelvic floor up (as if you were trying to hold pee). Hold the pull at the top for as long as you can. It’s crucial that you never hold your breath as you hold the contraction; simply breathe in and out gently through your nose.

• Expelling: Conscious release of the pelvic floor to build pressure and create a push/pull dynamic. The best way to think about it is as if you had been holding on to your pee for a long time and you finally are able to find a toilet and release it.”

“When these exercises are combined with deep breathing, muscle control, and mental focus, they can build enough tension and internal pressure to trigger orgasm,” she says. “For some, practicing these movements while aroused or during certain phases of the cycle can make a coregasm more likely.”

Not all orgasms are created equal. For instance, clitorial and vaginal orgasms often feel much different — and they differ from prostate orgasms. So, where does a coregasm land on this spectrum of sensation?

Dr. Milstein explains that, “for women and people with vulvas it can be similar to a vaginal orgasm, but not quite the same. Some women who’ve had one say they’re a bit less intense than a vaginal orgasm,” she describes. “For men, it may feel like a prostate orgasm.”

“It’s important to keep in mind that coregasms aren’t linked to sexual thoughts, so the overall feeling may be different from an orgasm from sex because our mind is in a different place,” she adds.

This is all the more reason to know what to expect so that you can identify what is happening should you have one. “Instead of a sharp or surface-level climax, coregasms often feel like a warm, spreading wave that begins in the lower abdomen or pelvis and radiates outward,” says Di Lorenzo. “They can be shorter or more subtle than clitoral orgasms, but still deeply pleasurable and satisfying, especially for those who are attuned to their internal sensations.”

The sensations may spread down through your legs, adds Roos. “The fact that they are more unusual often leads to the coregasm feeling more exciting, which also adds pleasure,” she says. “As always, when it comes to sex, it’s highly individual, so some people will find it very similar to a regular climax, while others find it a whole different thing!”

The only way to know for sure is to give it a try, so it sounds like the perfect excuse to re-up that gym membership!

Bel Di Lorenzo, entrepreneur, women’s sexual health advocate, and the author of the bestselling book, The Gohddess Method.

Dr. Sue Milstein, sex educator with a PhD in human sexuality education, Master Certified Health Education Specialist (MCHES), and a Certified Sexologist.

Sofie Roos, licensed sexologist and relationship therapist & author at Passionerad.

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