11 sex magic tips for getting what you want while getting off according to experts
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Sex magic can be a powerful tool. Getty Images If you’ve been following the rise of witchcraft, your ears may have perked when you heard the words “sex magic.” I mean, how could they not? If you’re curious, or have never heard of sex magic but read that headline and had to know, it’s fairly simple. Sex magic is using sexual energy (usually, your orgasms) to cast a spell and get what you want. Sound fabulous? It is.
So we talked to experts in the field to find 11 crucial pieces of information you should know about sex magic so you can start making your wishes come true while you get off!
Sex magic, or “sex magick,” which can be the preferred spelling, uses your sexual energy (often an orgasm) to cast a spell. Casting a spell is just setting an intention and then performing a ritual to bring the intention to the universe’s attention. You can cast a spell with candles, jars, and perhaps the most fun, orgasms!
“Sex magick is basically harnessing the energy generated through sexual pleasure to fuel an intention or desire. If that feels ‘woo-woo,’ well… maybe it is, but it’s also about focusing your mind and body on something you truly want,” Stefanie Neumann, a sex educator and toy expert for Jack and Jill Adult, tells PRIDE.
It’s common thought that the lunar cycle has a lot of affect on our lives, both in and out of sex. When practicing sex magic, a radical approach to utilizing lunar vibrations is to charge your sex toys under the moon’s energy. Companies like Chakrubs make crystal vibrators and yoni eggs that can help you revive your energy and get the most out of your experience.
“The moon is like our cosmic timekeeper — aligning your sex magick rituals with specific moon phases can amplify or diminish certain energies,” Neumann explains.
Not only does the moon help amplify energy, but the sun can also be a potent source of power you can utilize in your sex magic rituals, according to Maggie Dorsky, an author who writes about African American issues and spirituality. “The summer and early fall seasons, especially, are considered optimal for high-energy manifestations,” Dorsky says. “During this time, the sun is strongest, the earth is abundant, and the veil between intention and result is thinner. Many ancient sex rites occurred during harvest festivals, blending the themes of pleasure, prosperity, and divine union.”
When setting your intention, pay attention to the colors associated with it. For example, if you want more money, imagine the color green. Love usually takes on a pink or red color, black tends to represent protection and grounding, and healing is usually shrouded in white. Color is also an energetic frequency that can help you turn your manifestations into reality.
“If you’re really into color symbolism, lighting colored candles or wearing certain hues can help cement your intention in your mind. Personally, I’ve done a ‘red candle’ ritual to heat things up in my bedroom. Maybe it was all in my head, but it felt electric,” Neumann admits.
Shutterstock
Everything has energy, and anyone who has had their soul sucked out of their chest when they came knows that orgasms are powerful forms of energy. Aside from feeling good and being a hot way to connect with your partner, some witches believe that the sexual energy within an orgasm can be used as a ritual to cast a spell.
Neumann calls orgasms a “kickstarter” and explains that you can harness that moment of bliss into powerful magic. “When that release happens, you’re sort of momentarily suspended between total bliss and total focus — which is where you can channel all that energy into the intention you’ve been setting,” she says, “And yes, you can totally ‘cast a spell’ during sex or masturbation — it’s essentially visualizing, meditating, or praying (whatever words you prefer) right as you head toward orgasm. Masturbation is actually a useful time to practice because no one else is there to throw off your concentration.
Words like magic, rituals, and spells can seem complicated, but performing sex magic is easy peasy. Literally just visualize what you want while you come. Want to attract a new partner that fits a certain description? Think about them. Want some money? Think about cash while you come—we can all get off to that!
Dorsky says that sex magic is less about “spoken incantations” and more about “focus” and “intention” while you are orgasming. “You might mentally repeat your desire or visualize your goal as you approach orgasm,” she explains. “You can also create a simple ritual beforehand lighting candles, saying an affirmation, or writing your desire down. Ideally you want to share your intention with your partner so they can amplify it as they climax as well.”
You want to give your spell your full concentration. If you’re having sex with someone else, you’re probably thinking about pleasing them sexually. Such thoughts can be distracting to sex magic. Therefore, while you can perform sex magic while getting it on with another (either fill them in on what’s happening, and you can come together for a collective goal, or don’t tell them) nights alone may be the best for sex magic. Then it’s just you, your orgasm, and your intentions.
“Masturbation is one of the most powerful ways to practice sex magick because it’s fully self-directed. There’s less distraction, more control, and deep potential for healing, especially around body image, shame, or past trauma,” Dorsky says.
One of the biggest misconceptions about sex magic is that the spell you cast must be used to conjure a mate or to have better sex. You can practice sex magic to get whatever you want. Sexual energy is just energy. So feel free to visualize a bigger paycheck, a book deal, or physical health and happiness when you come.
Shutterstock
To enhance the vibe of your magical masturbation night in, create a magical setting for yourself. You deserve it. Put on some music, light candles, or draw yourself a bath, scatter it with rose petals, and masturbate in the tub. Even if you don’t believe in magic, creating a romantic night in can be healing in itself. Dorsky suggests treating it like a sacred ritual and to cleanse your space with incense or herbs like rosemary, mugwort, or palo santo, and keep a crystal or talisman nearby.
“Set your intention clearly—say it aloud, write it down, or visualize it,” she says. “Your environment should feel sensual, sacred, and safe. Don’t forget the roses. Always have roses because they are the highest vibrational flower.”
Orgasms get all the attention (and they are indeed powerful tools to cast magic with), but sexual energy is present more than just when we come. If you’re a highly sexual person, you may already be aware of the magnetism you cast. As you do your makeup, walk down the street, dance, and any other activity in which you’re feeling yourself, you can practice sex magic by visualizing your desires coming to fruition.
“Sex magick is rooted in your awareness of your sensual energy—not just the physical act,” Dorsky explains. “You can work with breathwork, meditation, dance, or energy work to raise and direct that energy. Tantric practices, mirror work, or simply affirming your desires while walking or journaling can all harness the same principles.”
This one’s for the people who are like, ‘Okay, well how does magic work?? Can I really get the partner of my dreams by masturbating?’ Well, touching yourself and harnessing your orgasm is only one part of the equation. Before you perform any type of spell, think about what you want. Write out an intention letter, so you have a clear idea of what to visualize. When we have a clear idea of what we want, we’re more likely to get it, and rituals such as sex magic help us do this.
Both Neumann and Dorsky agree that “intention” is the most important part of sex magic. “The biggest misconception is that you have to be this all-powerful witch to “do it right.” It’s more about mindfulness, consent (with a partner or yourself), and intention,” Neumann says.
Dorsky explains that when you’re having sex without intention you’re just on “autopilot,” while your energy is “like a laser” when you focus on intention. “You should be as specific and emotionally connected to your desire as possible. The goal is to feel the result in your body before it materializes, using your arousal as fuel for manifestation. It’s the emotional charge that changes the matter around you to reflect what you want to create,” she says.
If you believe in magic, casting spells with sex magic will transmit your intentions to the universe, and deities, which will listen and help make your wishes come true. However, the most potent ingredient in magic is you. Rituals, such as sex magic, can help put you in touch with your desires, and therefore become more aware of them. This is often enough to encourage follow-through, but any spell requires action on your part. So after you’ve written an intention letter describing your ideal partner, and then orgasmed visualizing them, don’t forget to open your phone and start swiping, witch!
Dorsky says that sex magic is a powerful tool, but you still have to act to make things happen. “It’s about reclaiming your energy, rewriting old stories about shame or pleasure, and aligning your body and soul. It isn’t about controlling others—it’s about co-creating your life with intention, joy, and reverence.”
Stefanie Neumann, a sex educator and toy expert for Jack and Jill Adult.
Maggie Dorsky, an author at Hatchette Book Group, who writes about African American issues and spirituality
July 09 2025 / 3:06 PMJuly 07 2025 / 1:49 PMJuly 04 2025 / 12:00 PMJune 24 2025 / 7:38 PMJune 24 2025 / 3:38 PMSex magic can be a powerful tool. Getty Images If you’ve been following the rise of witchcraft, your ears may have perked when you heard the words “sex magic.” I mean, how could they not? If you’re curious, or have never heard of sex magic but read that headline and had to know, it’s fairly simple. Sex magic is using sexual energy (usually, your orgasms) to cast a spell and get what you want. Sound fabulous? It is.
So we talked to experts in the field to find 11 crucial pieces of information you should know about sex magic so you can start making your wishes come true while you get off!
Sex magic, or “sex magick,” which can be the preferred spelling, uses your sexual energy (often an orgasm) to cast a spell. Casting a spell is just setting an intention and then performing a ritual to bring the intention to the universe’s attention. You can cast a spell with candles, jars, and perhaps the most fun, orgasms!
“Sex magick is basically harnessing the energy generated through sexual pleasure to fuel an intention or desire. If that feels ‘woo-woo,’ well… maybe it is, but it’s also about focusing your mind and body on something you truly want,” Stefanie Neumann, a sex educator and toy expert for Jack and Jill Adult, tells PRIDE.
It’s common thought that the lunar cycle has a lot of affect on our lives, both in and out of sex. When practicing sex magic, a radical approach to utilizing lunar vibrations is to charge your sex toys under the moon’s energy. Companies like Chakrubs make crystal vibrators and yoni eggs that can help you revive your energy and get the most out of your experience.
“The moon is like our cosmic timekeeper — aligning your sex magick rituals with specific moon phases can amplify or diminish certain energies,” Neumann explains.
Not only does the moon help amplify energy, but the sun can also be a potent source of power you can utilize in your sex magic rituals, according to Maggie Dorsky, an author who writes about African American issues and spirituality. “The summer and early fall seasons, especially, are considered optimal for high-energy manifestations,” Dorsky says. “During this time, the sun is strongest, the earth is abundant, and the veil between intention and result is thinner. Many ancient sex rites occurred during harvest festivals, blending the themes of pleasure, prosperity, and divine union.”
When setting your intention, pay attention to the colors associated with it. For example, if you want more money, imagine the color green. Love usually takes on a pink or red color, black tends to represent protection and grounding, and healing is usually shrouded in white. Color is also an energetic frequency that can help you turn your manifestations into reality.
“If you’re really into color symbolism, lighting colored candles or wearing certain hues can help cement your intention in your mind. Personally, I’ve done a ‘red candle’ ritual to heat things up in my bedroom. Maybe it was all in my head, but it felt electric,” Neumann admits.
Shutterstock
Everything has energy, and anyone who has had their soul sucked out of their chest when they came knows that orgasms are powerful forms of energy. Aside from feeling good and being a hot way to connect with your partner, some witches believe that the sexual energy within an orgasm can be used as a ritual to cast a spell.
Neumann calls orgasms a “kickstarter” and explains that you can harness that moment of bliss into powerful magic. “When that release happens, you’re sort of momentarily suspended between total bliss and total focus — which is where you can channel all that energy into the intention you’ve been setting,” she says, “And yes, you can totally ‘cast a spell’ during sex or masturbation — it’s essentially visualizing, meditating, or praying (whatever words you prefer) right as you head toward orgasm. Masturbation is actually a useful time to practice because no one else is there to throw off your concentration.
Words like magic, rituals, and spells can seem complicated, but performing sex magic is easy peasy. Literally just visualize what you want while you come. Want to attract a new partner that fits a certain description? Think about them. Want some money? Think about cash while you come—we can all get off to that!
Dorsky says that sex magic is less about “spoken incantations” and more about “focus” and “intention” while you are orgasming. “You might mentally repeat your desire or visualize your goal as you approach orgasm,” she explains. “You can also create a simple ritual beforehand lighting candles, saying an affirmation, or writing your desire down. Ideally you want to share your intention with your partner so they can amplify it as they climax as well.”
You want to give your spell your full concentration. If you’re having sex with someone else, you’re probably thinking about pleasing them sexually. Such thoughts can be distracting to sex magic. Therefore, while you can perform sex magic while getting it on with another (either fill them in on what’s happening, and you can come together for a collective goal, or don’t tell them) nights alone may be the best for sex magic. Then it’s just you, your orgasm, and your intentions.
“Masturbation is one of the most powerful ways to practice sex magick because it’s fully self-directed. There’s less distraction, more control, and deep potential for healing, especially around body image, shame, or past trauma,” Dorsky says.
One of the biggest misconceptions about sex magic is that the spell you cast must be used to conjure a mate or to have better sex. You can practice sex magic to get whatever you want. Sexual energy is just energy. So feel free to visualize a bigger paycheck, a book deal, or physical health and happiness when you come.
Shutterstock
To enhance the vibe of your magical masturbation night in, create a magical setting for yourself. You deserve it. Put on some music, light candles, or draw yourself a bath, scatter it with rose petals, and masturbate in the tub. Even if you don’t believe in magic, creating a romantic night in can be healing in itself. Dorsky suggests treating it like a sacred ritual and to cleanse your space with incense or herbs like rosemary, mugwort, or palo santo, and keep a crystal or talisman nearby.
“Set your intention clearly—say it aloud, write it down, or visualize it,” she says. “Your environment should feel sensual, sacred, and safe. Don’t forget the roses. Always have roses because they are the highest vibrational flower.”
Orgasms get all the attention (and they are indeed powerful tools to cast magic with), but sexual energy is present more than just when we come. If you’re a highly sexual person, you may already be aware of the magnetism you cast. As you do your makeup, walk down the street, dance, and any other activity in which you’re feeling yourself, you can practice sex magic by visualizing your desires coming to fruition.
“Sex magick is rooted in your awareness of your sensual energy—not just the physical act,” Dorsky explains. “You can work with breathwork, meditation, dance, or energy work to raise and direct that energy. Tantric practices, mirror work, or simply affirming your desires while walking or journaling can all harness the same principles.”
This one’s for the people who are like, ‘Okay, well how does magic work?? Can I really get the partner of my dreams by masturbating?’ Well, touching yourself and harnessing your orgasm is only one part of the equation. Before you perform any type of spell, think about what you want. Write out an intention letter, so you have a clear idea of what to visualize. When we have a clear idea of what we want, we’re more likely to get it, and rituals such as sex magic help us do this.
Both Neumann and Dorsky agree that “intention” is the most important part of sex magic. “The biggest misconception is that you have to be this all-powerful witch to “do it right.” It’s more about mindfulness, consent (with a partner or yourself), and intention,” Neumann says.
Dorsky explains that when you’re having sex without intention you’re just on “autopilot,” while your energy is “like a laser” when you focus on intention. “You should be as specific and emotionally connected to your desire as possible. The goal is to feel the result in your body before it materializes, using your arousal as fuel for manifestation. It’s the emotional charge that changes the matter around you to reflect what you want to create,” she says.
If you believe in magic, casting spells with sex magic will transmit your intentions to the universe, and deities, which will listen and help make your wishes come true. However, the most potent ingredient in magic is you. Rituals, such as sex magic, can help put you in touch with your desires, and therefore become more aware of them. This is often enough to encourage follow-through, but any spell requires action on your part. So after you’ve written an intention letter describing your ideal partner, and then orgasmed visualizing them, don’t forget to open your phone and start swiping, witch!
Dorsky says that sex magic is a powerful tool, but you still have to act to make things happen. “It’s about reclaiming your energy, rewriting old stories about shame or pleasure, and aligning your body and soul. It isn’t about controlling others—it’s about co-creating your life with intention, joy, and reverence.”
Stefanie Neumann, a sex educator and toy expert for Jack and Jill Adult.
Maggie Dorsky, an author at Hatchette Book Group, who writes about African American issues and spirituality
Andrew J. Stillman June 23 2025 / 10:26 AM“A sobergasm is a portmanteau of ‘sober’ and ‘orgasm,’ used to describe the more intense or heightened orgasms people can experience when they’re sober,” says Zane, noting that people within the queer communities often rely on drugs or alcohol to enhance their experience.
Lagman agrees, adding, “It’s that rush of pleasure, emotional intensity, or spiritual clarity that feels orgasmic, but it’s entirely sober. While it can happen during sex, it’s not limited to erotic moments.”
In terms of TikTok discourse, Gustafsson notes that it can mean a literal lights-out climax, a festival-floor natural high, or simply a “modern spin on ‘straight edge,’ but centered more on pleasure than abstinence.”
unguryanu/Shutterstock
During a sobergasm, “the body releases a cocktail of feel-good chemicals, including dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, and endorphins,” Lagman explains. It’s the same neurochemical symphony behind orgasm or runner’s high, just triggered by breath, movement, or deep connection instead of alcohol.
Gustafsson adds that while no actual genital orgasm occurs in many cases, “feeling autonomy, confidence, release, and joy can mimic the rush of arousal.” In other words, the circuitry is there, but the switch is just flipped differently.
Queer nightlife has long revolved around bars, clubs, and chemsex scenes, sometimes as a refuge, and others as an escape. But that’s shifting.
“Research shows that queer individuals tend to have higher rates of drug use and abuse compared to their straight counterparts,” Zane says, with the American Addiction Centers showing that LGBTQ+ adults are more than twice as likely to use illicit drugs and suffer from a substance use disorder as their straight counterparts. “It’s understandable that some might seek out substance-free euphoria as an alternative—especially in response to the often pervasive party and sex culture.”
Lagman sees the same pivot, noting post-pandemic introspection, rising wellness culture, and “a generational craving for authentic intensity.”
Meanwhile, Gustafsson’s college workshops are packed with students asking how alcohol affects consent and pleasure. “The idea of going out and having fun requires drinking is starting to grow old. As people feel more empowered to express their LGBTQ+ identities at a younger age than before, spaces that allow for connection for those under 21 set the tone for how they connect in later years.”
Experiencing a sobergasm for yourself may be difficult, especially if you’re more used to the traditional party scene of old. To try it on for yourself, Lagman rattles off the greatest hits:
- Sex with intention — think tantric breath, somatic focus, lube, and eye contact that doesn’t blur.
- Music & dance — sober raves and ecstatic dance where the beat “drives a visceral high.”
- Breathwork & meditation — holotropic sessions or deep chanting that tip you into altered states.
- Nature & movement — hiking, swimming, pole dancing, even cold plunges.
- Authentic connection — vulnerability floods the brain with oxytocin, which bypasses the “need for artificial simulation.”
Zane adds therapy to the toolkit, as well. “It helps you explore the roots of why you might feel the need to drink to enjoy intimacy—what fears or shame are underlying those habits? Addressing these emotions can make sober sex more accessible and pleasurable,” he says.
Gustafsson’s also encourages people to practice flirting sober, which can be “incredibly empowering once you’ve done the work of regulating your emotions when facing rejection.”
KotoImages/Shutterstock
Despite marketing that pairs cocktails with confidence, alcohol can blunt sensation and stall orgasm.
“Alcohol and drugs can actually inhibit intimacy,” says Zane. “They can make it harder to be present, reach orgasm, or feel emotionally connected.”
Sobriety changes that emotional connection. Lagman describes partners taking their time and tuning into each other’s breath.
Gustafsson notes this challenges chemsex norms that equate queer pleasure with narcotics. “Sobergasms, as silly of a TikTok trend they may be, push back on this idea and show that you don’t need to rely on anything but yourself to feel good.”
Yes, sober sex can feel raw at first—no haze to hide behind—but many discover it’s like “having sex for the first time again, with full presence,” Lagman says.
Wellness buzzwords, like many trends, come with a branding risk.
“There’s a risk of companies or influencers offering superficial or misleading advice, or trying to commodify this experience for profit,” Zane warns.
“Sobergasm could be turned into a hashtag to sell retreats,” Lagman echoes. “At its core, this concept is free. It’s DIY. It belongs to the people, not the marketers.”
Gustafsson is skeptical of “unregulated supplements” that promise instant ecstasy. “Most of these products rely on placebo effects,” she says. “If something is telling you you’ll have great sex, the possibility of having great sex, and the permission to seek it out are enough to ignite desire.”
Ultimately, reframing sobriety is about addition, not subtraction. Zane lists the gains: cash saved, deeper intimacy, no hangovers, sharper self-awareness. Lagman calls it “awakening.” Gustafsson sums it up:
“Sobriety isn’t about what you cut out of your life, it’s about what you get back.”
So whether your next mind-blowing moment happens mid-breathwork, on a sunrise hike, or naked in bed with nothing stronger than lube and trust, remember: the most powerful drug might already be coursing through your own queer, vibrant body. Drink it in—no chaser required.
Zachary Zane Sep 17, 2024Cassie SheetsAndrew J. Stillman Apr 15, 2024Zachary ZaneAndrew J. Stillman Dec 17, 2024Andrew J. Stillman Jul 02, 2025Pride EditorAndrew J. Stillman Dec 12, 2024Ariel Messman-Rucker Sep 18, 2024Ariel Messman-Rucker June 18 2025 / 3:41 PMLightfield Studios/Shutterstock
If you’re curious at all, then it’s worth giving it a try. You may discover that you enjoy giving, receiving, or both! According to Birna Gustafsson, a sex educator and public health advocate who focuses on queer pleasure, STIs, and contraception myths, if you’ve ever explored your own anus with your fingers while masturbating or if the idea of licking your partner or being licked by them has you quaking with desire, then eating ass may be for you.
“If you notice that adding some pressure to the outside of the anal area heightens your sensation during sex or masturbation, rimming can be exactly what takes your pleasure to the next level,” she tells PRIDE.
Analingus can also be incredibly pleasurable and a great way to start exploring anal play, renowned anal surgeon Dr. Evan Goldstein, who is also the Founder and CEO of Bespoke Surgical and Future Method, explains.
“The anus is rich with nerve endings, and when stimulated—especially with the warmth and softness of a tongue—it can trigger full-body pleasure, even intensifying orgasm by activating the pelvic floor muscles that also wrap around the penis and prostate,” he says. “For many, rimming can be the perfect gateway to anal play: external, non-penetrative, and deeply erotic in its own right.”
Communication is key when you want to try something new in bed and rim jobs are no different. “Be honest about your interest, and stay open to their response. If they’re hesitant, that’s okay—it’s not everyone’s go-to (you’re licking someone’s asshole after all). Respect their boundaries, just as you’d want yours respected,” Dr. Goldstein says.
Gustafsson agrees and says that if you want to munch on your partner or hookup’s peach, you can ask how comfortable they are with exploring anal play and then explain how much you’re looking forward to trying this with them. “You can also ensure your pleasure by letting them know how much the idea excites you or how curious you are to see how they like it,” she says.
Our experts also provided some suggested questions you can ask to get the conversation started:
“Hey, I’ve been curious about trying something—can I run it by you?”
“I’ve been exploring more down there on my own, and I want to know how it feels with a mouth. I’m so curious, but I’ll take your lead. How do you feel about that?”
“I love the way your mouth makes me feel. I’ve noticed you’re going a little more south, do you ever think about going further? I’d like to know how it feels, are you into that?”
VG Foto/Shutterstock
Since we’re talking about eating ass, good hygiene is going to be your best friend here. If you think you’re going to get some backdoor action, make sure you shower and clean your anus and the surrounding skin with warm water and a mild soap. You might want to go ahead and douche beforehand too so that if your partner has an “impressively adventurous” tongue, or rimming leads to anal sex, you’re already ready to go, Dr. Goldstein says.
You may also want to do a little landscaping before someone sticks their face back there, but it really depends on your preference and that of your sex partner. “It’s all about preference—some folks love it natural, others want a smooth landscape,” he explains. “If hair removal’s on the table, we recommend laser over shaving, waxing, or depilatories. Those methods can cause microtears, irritation, and even trigger dormant HPV.”
Whether you’re a salad tossing newbie or it makes a regular rotation in your sexual repertoire, you should be practicing safe sex. But what does that mean when it comes to analingus?
“Like all sex acts, analingus has its risks—mostly related to STIs (like Hepatitis A, Herpes, HPV, Syphilis, Gonorrhea, Chlamydia, and others), as well as bacterial infections (like e.coli and salmonella). Giardia, a microscopic parasite that is passed through feces, and other parasites can also be present,” Dr. Goldstein warns. Luckily, there are things you can do to help reduce this risk.
Apparently, cleanliness is next to godliness even when talking about rim jobs! It’s important to make sure you’re clean before you get started, and then once everyone has come, you should hop back in the shower to clean off again. Dr. Goldstein also recommends avoiding playtime if either partner is under the weather or has an active STI, getting regular checkups with your healthcare provider (including oral and anal screenings), and rinsing your mouth with mouthwash once playtime is over because micro-scratches on your gums can allow bacteria in.
You can also use dental dams or single-use latex underwear like Lorals to provide added protection and peace of mind. “These thin barrier methods are surprisingly pleasurable, don’t knock it ‘til you try it! They can transfer even feather-like, barely there sensations or tongue-flicks,” Gustafsson says.
But even if both you and your sex partner have clean STI panels, you still want to take precautions because fecal bacteria can still cause infection or illness. “After rimming someone, avoid licking their vulva/vagina or tip of their penis. Bacteria from the rectum should avoid coming into contact with the urethra or the vagina to prevent infection,” she recommends.
Try different positions
Variety is the spice of life, so try different positions like doggy style, with the receiver on their back, or face sitting. You can also try having the giver kneel on the floor at the foot of the bed with the receiver on their hands and knees on the bed with their butt facing you so that they can grind against your mouth or they can hover over your mouth while you’re lying down. “For those into power play, this position is a great way of being a receiver while maintaining control,” Gustafsson says.
Use your tongue like a pro
Use the the tip of your tongue to create a firm point to stimulate your partner, but avoid dating motions. “Instead, create feather-like, barely there strokes in one direction,” Gustafsson explains. “Start slow, this is a great way to tease the area and get a sense for how much pressure they enjoy. Since it is such a delicate area, less is more!”
Try light flicks, firm strokes, breath play, gentle sucking, and circling their anus with your tongue. You can also use the middle part of your tongue to create firm pressure. But if you’re tongue starts getting tired, press your tongue against them and move your whole head up and down to lap at them. This way, your jaw and neck are doing the bulk of the work while your tongue gets a break.
Lend a hand
When you’re rimming, you mouth isn’t the only thing that should be getting in on the action. To take you and your partner from a normal orgasm to fireworks exploding behind your eyes, add in other forms of stimulation. While you’re licking and sucking on your partner’s peach or their doing it to you, add in a hand job, fingering, or using a vibrator. The receiver can also masturbate while getting rimmed.
“Spreading your own cheeks can give your partner direct access to your hole (and signal you’re into it),” Dr. Goldstein recommends.
Explore the surrounding areas
No need to stick to just the anus, try licking and touching the taint, balls, inner thighs, or even hips, which Dr. Goldstein says are “extra-sensitive and crave attention too.”
Keep it wet
A wet tongue feels better than a dry one, and don’t be shy about using your own spit. You can also use lube to make things extra slippery. “Adding a drop of silicone lubricant can make things go smoother, especially if you’re adding fingers to the mix while rimming them,” Gustafsson says. “Keep in mind, though, that too much lube or wetness from saliva can saturate the nerves and actually make it more difficult for the receiver to feel what you’re doing.”
pathdoc/Shutterstock
It’s common to feel shame about wanting to explore anal play, especially because your mouth is involved in analingus and society has conditioned us to view it as dirty or taboo since it’s associated with queer pleasure and submission. Some people don’t enjoy rimming, but for others it is a primary source of sexual pleasure—both are ok.
“But here’s the thing: pleasure isn’t shameful,” Dr. Goldstein says. “The anus is packed with pleasure potential, and there’s nothing ‘dirty’ about being curious or wanting more sensation. If someone makes you feel judged for wanting to explore, that’s a red flag—not a reflection of your desires. The right partner will meet your curiosity with respect, not shame.”
Gustafsson also says that some people don’t get down with rim jobs until they are horny, “For many people, they don’t feel much of anything until they’re aroused, so rimming is enjoyable after they’ve already started touching themselves or each other.” But if you are flooded with shame before or after the act itself, you can overcome this by “owning and embodying your pleasure,” she explains.
No, rimming is for everyone. The popular imagination may associate all butt stuff with gay men, but anyone can enjoy anal sex and analingus. “Many vulva owners love it as the area is sensitive on its own, and the legs of the clitoris are nearby,” Gustafsson says. “Many people also enjoy the taboo aspect of the act, regardless of their sexual orientation. While we all differ in our sexual preferences, everyone has an anus, so it is a universal experience to explore and seek pleasure in such a sensitive, erogenous zone.”
Dr. Goldstein couldn’t agree more, “Analingus is for anyone with a butt—which is, well, everyone. Regardless of gender identity or sexual orientation, rimming can be a powerful, pleasurable part of intimacy. It relaxes the body, builds trust, and for many, feels amazing with or without penetration. Think of it as the warm-up act that can also steal the hole show.” Pun intended!
Dr. Evan Goldstein, a renowned anal surgeon who is also the Founder and CEO of Bespoke Surgical and Future Method.
Birna Gustafsson, a sex educator and public health advocate who focuses on queer pleasure, STIs, and contraception myths.
Andrew J. Stillman June 17 2025 / 5:19 PMIf you feel confused as you explore your identity, the first thing is to remember you are far from the only one who goes through that. Kate Logan, Marriage & Family Therapist Associate (AMFT) at Gender Wellness Los Angeles, tells PRIDE, “Sexual fluidity means your understanding of your sexual orientation—or even your gender identity—isn’t fixed. It can shift over time.”
Logan stresses that fluidity is about possibility, not chaos. For example, someone might feel lesbian for years, then discover genuine attraction to another gender, or vice versa. That openness distinguishes fluidity from identities like bisexuality or pansexuality, which describe consistent attraction to multiple genders.
“Sexual fluidity is about flow,” she says. “It might be subtle or rapid, but it reflects that our experiences of attraction can change. And that’s perfectly valid.”
Relationship therapist Aimee Evnin-Bingham, LMFT, says calling fluidity “just a phase” is nonsense.
“Most people are ‘fluid’ with what they like,” she says. “Sexual fluidity gives people space to be open to their desires and connect with their needs deeper.”
Data backs her up. Gen Z reports the highest rates of non-straight identities ever recorded. According to sex-positive educator Anna Richards of Frolicme, up to one-third of Gen Zers identify somewhere on the queer spectrum.
Regarding the idea that fluidity is a phase, Richards adds that it “can be phasic in nature. What’s important is believing people regardless of their orientation at the time.”
Lightfield Studios/Shutterstock
The younger generation has had the fortune of growing up with terms like bisexual, pansexual, and nonbinary. Even though there’s still stigma to overcome, they were also able to explore their sexuality a lot more openly than the generations that came before them.
According to Anne-Marie Zanzal, a coach who works with people who come out later in life, the newest generations see fluidity as “a valid and enduring experience of sexuality” and not just a stepping stone into a more “stable” identity.
“However, in some circles, especially where binaries still dominate, fluidity can still be dismissed or misunderstood as indecisiveness or confusion,” she says. “Our queer sensibilities are often formed during the time which we come out.”
While the younger generations may see fluidity as normal or even expected, she says that older generations, particularly those who were socialized in more rigid or heteronormative environments, may feel shame, confusion, denial, or even fear if their sexuality shifts.
Wherever you land on the journey, she says, “Be gentle with yourself. You are not behind. You are right on time. There are many, many people exploring their sexual and/or gender orientation later in life. Find community—people who will hold space for the messy, beautiful, uncertain parts of this journey. Know that your story is valid whether you change your label once, never, or a dozen times. You don’t need a label to begin.”
As with any other identity, there are a number of myths that surround sexual fluidity and add to the lack of support for the representation.
One myth is that being fluid automatically makes you more promiscuous by nature, which Logan argues against. “Fluidity is about the potential for change in attraction, not about behavior,” she says.
Outside of promiscuity, another myth is that more women are sexually fluid than men. She assures, “Men, too, tend to respond to sexual stimuli such as erotic videos or images of both men and women. More men are expressing their sexual fluidity as the stigma on male same-sex encounters lifts.”
One of the more damaging myths—and a big reason people have expressed unfair anger at Siwa—is the thought that fluid people undermine a “real” gay or lesbian identity.
Evnin-Bingham disagrees. “Being sexually fluid can be anxiety-provoking as our society pushes us to ‘pick a side’ or ‘pick an orientation,’” she says. “People can feel ostracized from queer spaces if they do not ‘fit the bill’ of what a societally queer person means. Thus, most people who are sexually fluid do not talk about their needs or feel like they have space to connect with others around their identity as frequently.”
Ladanifer/Shutterstock
If you’re questioning things, give yourself permission to do so. As Evnin-Bingham reminds, “It is a person’s choice on how to identify and how to feel about their sexual orientation. It is their right to play and explore different sexual needs and desires in order to understand their attraction more.
Richards agrees, saying that dating apps can be a good way to explore your sexuality at any stage of life.
“Try expanding your matches to people of the gender you’re looking to explore,” she says. “If you feel self-conscious, you can explain in your profile or opening messages that this is new for you. There are many people in the same situation, so have fun!”
Logan also encourages to experiment at your own pace and allow for stability when the opportunity arises.
“Being fluid doesn’t mean you’re constantly changing,” she says. “Sometimes it’s more like a slow-moving river—steady for a while, then shifting. You can feel completely settled for a time and still be fluid. It’s about having the capacity for change, not constantly being in motion.”
Fluidity helps dismantle the “either/or” script mainstream society loves. As Zanzal puts it, “Queerness is resistance to binaries. It says you can be both/and, or neither, or something else entirely.”
So whether Siwa’s next single celebrates a girlfriend, a boyfriend, or her own damn self, the takeaway is the same: attraction is personal, evolutionary, and nobody’s business but yours.
If your heart is tugging you somewhere new, that’s not a glitch. That’s your truth—flow with it.
Ariel Messman-Rucker June 12 2025 / 5:09 PMAccording to gay cruising app Sniffies’ 2024 statistics, edging is the most popular kink in America, and with good reason!
Edging is the ultimate tease; it’s the practice of intentionally bringing yourself and/or your partner to the point right before you climax, but instead of finishing, you pause the stimulation until you’ve calmed down and then repeat the process before finally allowing an orgasm.
Not only does this extend playtime, but it intensifies pleasure and arousal, and often lead to a more intense, longer-lasting orgasm when you are finally allowed to climax.
You can edge yourself during masturbation or while having sex with other people to add a little spice to your sex life, but it can also be a great way to explore dom/sub dynamics. Both partners can edge each other, but you can also play with power dynamics where the dominant partner takes control over the submissive’s orgasms and decides when they can climax. Edging can also help with premature ejaculation, and for gay men, it is also a great way for tops to manage performance so that no one finishes too early.
“For some, edging is a part of kinky play where power dynamics allow for orgasm denial or advanced teasing,” Birna Gustafsson, an LGBTQ+ sex educator and public health advocate, tells PRIDE. “Many people love edging because of the elements of control, heightened sensations, and subverting expectations of what sex should look or feel like.”
Also known as “surfing” and “peaking,” the term edging comes from the idea of approaching a metaphorical “edge” of orgasmic inevitability but stopping from you tip over the edge.
Although the word itself is from Middle English, the internet and sex positive online communities helped to popularize the way people use the term today, and it has since entered the Gen Z lexicon on TikTok.
Iryna Kalamurza/Shutterstock
If you’ve ever finished and been like, “is that all?” then you’d probably like edging. For people who feel like the peak of their climax is too short or want to make their sexual experiences last longer, edging is a great technique to add into your playtime repertoire.
If you’re curious about edging, try exploring it during solo masturbation first before trying it out with a partner. “It’s also great if you’re in a sexual rut, exploring solo play in a new way, or curious about adding something fresh to partnered sex,” Gustafsson says. “It can take some people up to twenty minutes for their genitals to fully engorge and hit peak arousal, and edging offers a fun way to explore as you welcome pleasure in waves, not a flood of sensations all at once.”
According to Tim Lagman, a sex expert and board certified sex educator with the lube company pjur, those who already enjoy “intense build-ups or teasing sensations” or want to explore orgasms control and power dynamics, should give edging a try.
It’s a low risk, high reward way to make your sex life more interesting!
Try it solo first If you’ve never played with edging before, try it on your own first. That way, you’ll get an idea of whether or not you’d like it, then you can try it out with a partner and decide whether you like to be the giver who is in control, the receiver who relinquishes control, or both!
Control your breathing Try to slow down your breathing to help you or your partner stay calm and in control. It’s also a great way to focus on the sensations in your body instead of rushing into an orgasm.
Communication, communication, communication Communication is also key with anything sex-related, but with edging, you have to be aware of your partner’s body language and listen to their words so you know when they are getting close and you need to pull back before starting again.
You should also talk to your partner beforehand about how they like to be edged, what techniques ramp them up the most (like fingering, oral, or penetrative sex), and what intensity is good for them.
Play with tempo and timing Switch back and forth between fast and slow movements and play with different pressure, sex positions, and techniques to make the edging experience more dynamic.
You can also tease your partner with different timings. Try doing five second of fast sensation, slow down for five seconds, a then each round add five seconds to each interval until you get up to a minute before you let them finish. And if you’re into a sub/dom relationship or are into power play, the dominant partner can count out loud to dial up the heat.
Don’t forget the lube! Lube should always be in your bedside table drawer, but when you’re planning on extending the amount of time you are having sex, make sure you use lots of lube to keep it feeling good all night long.
Sex toys are your friends There are so many you can incorporate into edging, the options are limitless! You can try teasing your partner with a blindfold, feathers, or a whip. Or add in vibrators, sex machine, strap on, butt plugs, cock ring, or prostate massager, or anything else that will ramp things up for you or your partner.
Mix it up Try switching things up between using your hands, oral stimulation, powerful toys, warm and cold sensations, and internal and external stimulation. You don’t need to go from zero to 60; instead, try alternating between two different sensations and cycling through different rhythms. For instance, try changing between rubbing their clit and using gentle tapping to tease your partner.
Try the hands-off reset If you’ve already mastered the basics, try this more advanced technique: when you feel like you or your partner are about to climax, don’t slow down, just stop using your hands and sex toys completely. Spend some time breathing and let the pleasure settle in your body before you go right back to the same intensity you were using before.
Gooning If you enjoy edging, consider trying gooning too which is an extreme form of edging where you masturbate for hours while watching porn, but never let yourself have an orgasm.
Getty Images
Edging is versatile, and can be adapted to work with all different kinds of bodies and can be a great way to affirm gender identity. “For those experiencing gender dysphoria, edging can center sensation elsewhere in the body than just the genitals,” Gustafsson explains. “Using toys and tools like strap-ons, prosthetics, or powerful vibrators that send sensation through layers of material can all be a part of edging, too.”
Sofie Roos, a bisexual licensed sexologist and relationship therapist, has suggestions for all genders and sexualities. For queer men, she recommends combining deign with stimulation of the anus or penis through penetrative sex or using a toy like a vibrating butt plug. Or go the advanced route and focus on edging the prostate alone for an extra strong orgasm.
For sapphics, use your hands, vibrator, or tongue to stimulate the clitoris by starting off with calm, light touches, before increasing the stimulation and then starting over again. She also said if you or your partner’s clit gets overstimulated switch to focusing on the G-spot, and unlike people with penises, you can keep going until you, your partner, or both achieve multiple orgasms.
According to Roos, trans folks can use edging to “explore their body sexually in new ways that feel more natural than other types of sex” and can also use it to explore new sexual dynamics. For nonbinary people, she says that edging can provide the kind of control that allows for experimentation.
“Nonbinary folks can use edging to feel as if they’re more in control of how they get pleasure, and that they can discover their body on their own terms and take control over their orgasm,” Roos says.
Edging, truly is for everyone!
Birna Gustafsson, an LGBTQ+ sex educator and public health advocate.
Tim Lagman, a sex expert and board certified sex educator with the lube company pjur.
Sofie Roos, licensed sexologist and relationship therapist & author at Passionerad.
Ariel Messman-Rucker June 11 2025 / 12:50 PMGetty Images
If you’ve ever started dating someone and been overwhelmed with excessive affection, compliments, or pressure to become exclusive quickly, you may have fallen prey to love bombing.
This manipulation tactic can look like constant texting or calling, saying “I love you” very early in the relationship, showering you with gifts and compliments, pressuring you to commit right out of the gate, and intense affection. Making you feel as though you are emotional dependent on your partner and gaslighting you can also be part of love bombing.
“The reasons why people engage in this tactic will vary, but often, love bombing is used by those who have a fear of or aversion to abandonment and who want to prevent their partner from leaving,” Saba Harouni Lurie, a queer licensed marriage and family therapist, tells PRIDE. “It is also used as a tactic by those who consciously desire to manipulate and exert coercive control over their partner.”
Harouni Lurie says that love bombing works so well because “toxic relationships are frequently romanticized in mainstream media,” which has skewed our “perception of what love can look like.” These over-the-top gestures, which love bombers use to manipulate and control you and the relationship trajectory, are often portrayed as signs of intense passion or love in movies and TV shows. These types of relationships look enticing in a rom-com, but in reality, if things are moving that fast, it’s probably love bombing.
“People are attracted to the ’excitement’ of these dynamics and are similarly conditioned to see fast-paced, ‘love at first sight’ relationships as not only normal but as evidence that the connection is more real or fated,” she explains.
Gay matchmaker Anthony Canapi agrees and says that when you are being love bombed, not only are you receiving the intense affection you may desire, but the chemicals in your brain make you crave more, even if it’s not good for you, because it mimics the feeling of true intimacy. “The intense positive attention from the love bomber can temporarily increase the match’s dopamine levels, creating a pleasurable, addictive feeling,” he says, “so instinctively, like all addictions, it makes the match want more of the intense affection, no matter how negative or toxic the manipulation tactics are.”
It’s unhealthy because the person being love-bombed has been controlled and manipulated to the point that they lose their independence, and their mental and emotional well-being suffers. It becomes particularly toxic when the love bomber becomes frustrated that their partner isn’t reciprocating, so they start to make them feel guilty until they show the love bomber the same kind of affection.
“Once satisfied, the love bomber abandons the match’s needs and reciprocation because they don’t need the affection, they’re already self-satisfied, why reciprocate it back? They only come back if they need that ’narcissistic gauge’ filled again,” says Canapi, who is also the founder & CEO of Best Man Matchmaking, a gay-run matchmaking service dedicated to helping professional LGBTQ+ singles find love.
Once the love bomber has you “hooked” and committed to the relationship, the dynamic often changes. Your new partner may emotionally withdraw from you, gaslight or manipulate you, begin to constantly criticize you, and attempt to isolate you from your friends and family. “This push-pull cycle keeps you off balance, questioning your worth, and craving the ‘high’ of the early attention—an emotional dependency that’s hard to break,” explains Dovie Lopez, a certified sexologist and founder of Born to Be Wild Lifestyle, which helps queer and straight women navigate intimacy, identity, love, and relationships.
Peopleimages.com - Yuri A/Shutterstock You should be wary if:
- The relationship starts intensely and suddenly.
- They push for a quick commitment.
- They try to take up all of your time.
- They make big promises but don’t follow through.
- They try to sweep you off your feet with excessive affection and compliments.
- They try to make you feel bad if you aren’t reciprocating.
- They isolate you from your support system, but then don’t respond when you reach out to them.
- They give you extravagant or frequent gifts.
- They try to convince you that you are soulmates early in the relationship.
- They call or text all day, and get angry when you don’t respond. oneinchounch/Shutterstock
But how do you tell the difference between an authentic connection that is moving a little fast and the manipulative behavior of someone who is love bombing you?
There may be an intense honeymoon phase in a healthy relationship, but love bombers will overwhelm you with affection and tokens of love, and are threatened by your independence. Love bombing isn’t about love; it’s about control. If the person you are dating is genuinely invested in your well-being, encourages you to do things that are good for you, and supports your relationships with other people in your life, then it’s probably a healthy relationship and not love bombing.
“If someone is falling in love, they show up consistently, honor your boundaries, and let the relationship grow organically,” Lopez says. “Love bombing feels like being swept up in a tidal wave — you don’t feel with the person, you feel swept away.”
People in the LGBTQ+ community are uniquely susceptible to love bombing because they’ve often experienced rejection or trauma as a result of their identity, and so they gravitate toward people who make them feel secure in the relationship, even if that’s through love bombing. They may have been living in the closet or in denial for so long that they are now seeking intense connection, which means that they may be more likely to inadvertently love bomb someone or be the victim of it.
Many LGBTQ+ people are also looking for deep, passionate, emotional relationships that build quickly, so they’re more likely to overlook red flags in their quest to find connection. It also doesn’t help that LGBTQ+ relationships aren’t talked about as openly or modeled as much in the media, so it can be tricky to know what a healthy queer relationship looks like.
“Because of our unique experiences as LGBTQIA+ individuals finding meaningful relationships, it can sometimes lead to intense bonding and a greater tendency towards love bombing,” Canapi says, which is why it’s “crucial to be aware of the red flags of love bombing, and to cultivate healthy relationship dynamics, regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity.”
Set healthy boundaries and stick to them. End the relationship and explain that you can’t be in contact (including on social media) with them right now because once the love bomber realizes they can’t manipulate you anymore the relationship is likely to self destruct or finally fizzle out.
Spend some time reconnecting with your normal routine. Did you used to go to brunch with friends every Sunday before you were swept up in this toxic relationship? Get back to that. You should also try to focus on hobbies and interests that bring you joy to get you back to feeling like yourself again.
And don’t forget to open up to someone you trust who can support you as you distance yourself from the person who love bombed you. You’ve just gone through a relationship where you were receiving intense affection so leaving that behind may make you feel lost or alone. Tough emotions may come up and you’ll need help navigating them, so don’t be afraid to reach out to friends and family who can help.
“Love bombing thrives in isolation, so it’s important that you start spending more time with trusted friends or in environments that help you feel grounded,” Canapi explains.
FAQ
What are the ingredients in sex magic?
Mood’s Sex Magic Elixir Powder is a thoughtfully crafted blend of L-Arginine, Panax Ginseng, and other botanicals like Shilajit and Mucuna pruriens. This unique formulation is complemented by beet root powder and saffron, with monk fruit adding a touch of natural sweetness.
What is an example of sex magic?
One practice of sex magic is using sexual arousal or orgasm with visualization of a desired result. A premise posited by sex magicians is the concept that sexual energy is a potent force that can be harnessed to transcend one’s normally perceived reality.
What is the O method sex magic?
The O Method is actually pretty simple: visualize what you want out of your life right as you orgasm. ``When you orgasm, visualize exactly what it is you want as if you already have it because after you do this, it is yours,’’ Perl explained in a TikTok. When you’re close to climaxing, picture your exact wants.31 Agu 2023
What is the spiritual sex ritual?
Tantric sex is a practice that originally stems from certain teachings in Hinduism, known as Tantra. The original act of tantric sex is a very focused activity that is intended to help the partners reach a state of bliss without orgasm.2 Jul 2023
What is the spiritual sex ritual?
Tantric sex is a practice that originally stems from certain teachings in Hinduism, known as Tantra. The original act of tantric sex is a very focused activity that is intended to help the partners reach a state of bliss without orgasm.2 Jul 2023
What are the ingredients in sex magic?
Mood’s Sex Magic Elixir Powder is a thoughtfully crafted blend of L-Arginine, Panax Ginseng, and other botanicals like Shilajit and Mucuna pruriens. This unique formulation is complemented by beet root powder and saffron, with monk fruit adding a touch of natural sweetness.
Magic wand untuk apa?
Alat ini berfungsi secara efektif sebagai vibrator klitoris dan mampu menghasilkan orgasme pada banyak wanita.
Bagaimana cara menggunakan magic wand tool untuk menyeleksi area gambar dengan warna yang seragam?
Cara menggunakan Magic Wand cukup sederhana. Pengguna hanya perlu mengklik area gambar yang ingin dipilih dan Magic Wand akan secara otomatis memilih bagian yang memiliki warna yang mirip dengan titik yang di-klik. Semakin kecil Tolerance yang dipilih, semakin sempit rentang warna yang akan dipilih.9 Des 2024
What is the O method sex magic?
The O Method is actually pretty simple: visualize what you want out of your life right as you orgasm. ``When you orgasm, visualize exactly what it is you want as if you already have it because after you do this, it is yours,’’ Perl explained in a TikTok. When you’re close to climaxing, picture your exact wants.31 Agu 2023
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This site only collects related articles. Viewing the original, please copy and open the following link:11 sex magic tips for getting what you want while getting off according to experts
